Saturday 15 March 2014

Will you PLEASE -- shut -- the hell -- up?!

There's something refreshing about watching wrestling without the constant, grating chatter of inane monkeys. I'm talking of course about Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and JBL, the trio of commentators who never, and I mean NEVER, stop bickering and bitching throughout RAW and Smackdown. Most of the time they don't add anything relevant, insightful or engaging, and they actually detract from my enjoyment of the show.

So when I went to a live show on March 7, I was relieved to finally be allowed to watch the Superstars perform without being distracted and annoyed by those three argumentative assclowns. Never once did I think, "You know what this impressive show of physical story telling is missing? A grown man telling his broadcast partner to call a WAAAHmbulance. Again!" I didn't miss them at all, and that got me thinking:

WWE needs to add the option of muting the announcers.

With the WWE Network, it's certainly possible now. Before, they'd have to broadcast two different feeds on multiple channels, or play an announcer-free version later or something, but with the WWE Network, they can do it all digitally. They can simultaneously stream separate shows.

I would pay money -- hell, I would pay EXTRA to be able to watch WWE without announcers. The sound of slamming the guy on the mat, the rowdy chants, the entrance themes -- I want to hear what I would hear live, and nothing more. It's just clutter, and it's gotta stop.

I can't concentrate on the matches. They argue about dance moves sometimes! Even when they call the match, they repeat themselves week after week and state the obvious. They have a stock response for every signature move, taunt, entrance, and expression on a guy's face. I'm sick of their catch phrases, I'm tired of their voices, and I'm fed up with their arguing.

Enough is enough.

It's gotten to the point where I'm actually groaning and commenting out loud on the stupid things they say. Imagine watching every single movie for the first time with the director's commentary on; it'd drive you mental. There's no way you could enjoy it fully. For THREE HOURS every Monday, it's a steady stream of verbal diarrhea with no respite save for the brief moment when I fast forward through the commercials.

"It's a flying goat!" -- "Vintage Orton!" -- "Shut up and call the match!" -- "Hash tag Yes Movement!" -- "Don't forget to the download the WWE App!" -- "The most chilling/thrilling/intimidating/entertaining match/entrance/Superstar/event of ALL TIME!"

I can't take it. Just thinking about them is irritating. I can't dwell on this anymore, so...

Until next time, have a nice day, and don't be a jabroni.

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